


Tinderella Strikes Back

by septemberashes



Series: crack reituki [1]
Category: the GazettE
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Car Accidents, Crack, Freeform, M/M, POV First Person, Sassy Ruki, lots of cussing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-25
Updated: 2017-01-25
Packaged: 2018-09-19 20:24:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9459086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/septemberashes/pseuds/septemberashes
Summary: Matsumoto Takanori must admit that being horny and poor was hard.





	

**Author's Note:**

> idek what i've written, read it on your own accord lol

**POV Ruki**

“Ew, he has chest hair.”

 

“At least his dick is bigger than yours, Shiroyama.”

 

“Oh _please_.”

 

Who knew that getting a hook up from Tinder would be _this_ hard nowadays? Of course that comment regarding Shiroyama having a small dick reeked of ambiguity since according to the app’s rules, you weren’t supposed to post nudes or dickpics in your profile. However, let’s be real, boys will be boys. So if you accidentally lost your visual virginity, coming across an unsolicited photo of a wiener with every single papule seen around its head, then maybe Tinder wasn’t for you. That couldn’t be said for me. This was _my_ territory yet somehow I had the same amount of luck as the kid who failed to contain his nasty-ass fart in class.

 

“God, he’s like what, fifty?”

 

“Forty-six.”

 

Shiroyama scrunched up his face, eyes averted from the profile of the aforementioned old fart that promised to _‘sex you so hard with his magnum dong’_ in his bio. “Round it up and it’ll be fifty.”

 

I couldn’t remember calling this black-haired dumbfuck over just to entertain his idiocy - I guess, I was no different from superglue since shit _always_ stuck to me. Nevertheless, I still gave in to his repulsed expression, so ended up swiping left before another profile could pop up on the screen of my phone. Needless to say, this person’s feminine username definitely piqued my interest.

 

Reita? Rita? Margarita?

 

I wouldn’t even name a cow in my barn like this.

 

“Well, it’s not like your Tinder name is any better.” Seeing the way I was eyeing the guy’s name with unabashed amusement, Yuu snickered. “ ** _Ruki_** , my ass. Did you know that it means _‘hands’_ in Russian? You’re no different from those oblivious white people who get fancy tattoos of kanji for ‘eggplant’ and stuff like that.”

 

“And these hands gonna be shoved up your ass if you don’t shut your trap right now.”

 

“Thanks but no thanks, your tiny hands won’t satisfy me.”

 

What’s the point of listening to _pest_ anyway? Could someone shut Shiroyama up, like shove their dick into his mouth or something? Wait, no, a cock-loving manwhore like him might actually enjoy such rough treatment. Abort mission. _Abort_ , I said. Despite my mental turmoil regarding that failure of a friend, I continued to examine this Reita guy’s profile picture, but failed to see anything in his appearance that could have interested me so far. Couldn’t really make out much of his picture: a poor attempt at recreating a punk mohawk, which resembled the _‘I plugged my fork into the 220 Volt socket’_ hairstyle more, eyeshadows so dark and smudged as if someone gave him a black eye and a (?) tea towel sneakily disguised as a bandana covering half of his face.

 

“Maybe he has mistaken Tinder for a visual kei audition website…” Shiroyama looked at the guy’s photo almost sympathetically.

 

Would anyone in their right mind even swipe right for this kind? Distracted by his rated 4/10 profile picture, I nearly swiped left before lowering my gaze on his extremely laconic bio.

 

 _Prince Albert_ _✔_

 

\- that’s all it said. No additional lines in vein of  _‘gains 4 lyf’_ or _‘I <3 dogs’_ or – god forbid - lame puns. Just supposedly a name of some royalty, unless-

 

“No fucking way.” Shiroyama whistled as the guy’s bio also caught his attention, his eyes widening in realisation. “Wait, Taka-” But before he could finish his sentence, I’ve already swiped right. Never in my life, had I slept with anyone with a genital piercing. How would it feel like? Was it smooth, almost camouflaged with the rest of the dick, so I would not feel a thing? Or did it really stand out, potentially massaging my prostate even more? A shiver ran down my spine, the thought of experiencing a pierced dick was exhilarating me who was a whore for novelties. Who gave a fuck about that boner-killing display picture?

 

“Well, I suppose he can always wear a plastic bag over his head if he is _that_ ugly.” Shiroyama giggled as if read my mind.

 

And who knew that _Reita_ had already swiped me right since _‘It’s a match!’_ immediately came up in bold on my screen. _And_ in less than a second, I received a private message from him. Oh boy, someone’s on the roll today. Speak of my luck.

 

_“wyd 2nite”_

 

Typical fuckboy move, but I wouldn’t beat around the bush myself.

 

 _“Do you legit have a dick piercing?”_ I replied him.

 

_“Ya”_

_“Pic?”_

_“I’m not your wankbank, gotta meet me irl hun”_

Shiroyama wriggled his eyebrows. “Well, _someone_ ’s desperate. What does he even see in you?” Really, I had the same question since my bio was blank while my profile picture had me sitting on a rock by the sea, facing the camera with my back. Well, _naked_ back. Perhaps, he found this alluring enough?

 

 _“7pm at Shinjuku Station, the East Gate exit?”_ He pushed it further.

_“Is your curfew at 9 or sth?”_ Who the fuck went for a hook up earlier than 10pm, if not midnight?

 

_“Silly boy I’ll treat u dinner xx”_

 

Oh wow, not sure whether it was a sign of some sort of class or just an unnecessary thing to do? However, getting banged by a pierced dick _and_ free dinner sounded more than awesome, and I wasn’t stupid enough to decline such tempting offer. Lady luck was eerily on my side today.

 

_“Be there or be square. The one who’s late pays for the hotel room.”_

 

***

 

And of course he was also going to pay for the room since there was no way I was going to lose this (childish) bet. Despite not flaunting with the riches, I was far from being a pleb – instead of using public transport like the majority of young Tokyoites, I was lucky enough to own a car. It was definitely more convenient to have one in such overcrowded metropolis, so hopefully I was going to reach my destination earlier than Reita. Free dinner as well? Ho-ho, bring it on mate. Nevertheless, I couldn’t just drive straight to the metro exit – I would have to leave my car in a nearby car park then get there on foot. Or should I just park my car somewhere in Kabukicho? Hmm, whatever the decision was, the Prince Albert had been better worth getting my car under the radar of bird shit. I had just brought it to the carwash service station a few days ago and had every nook and cranny of it cleaned (even those goddamned sensors).

 

The sky was getting dark yet the roads didn’t seem to be too busy in this area since it was heavily serviced by public transport (Shinjuku Station was fucking busy after all). Nonetheless, it was still such a rare phenomenon since Tokyo was the most populous city in the world. A black cat that managed to cross the road here is considered to be if anything but _unlucky_ since it was lucky enough not to be run over by cars. Yet the traffic seemed to be strangely sparse today. Good. That meant I could reach my destination faster and avoid the swarm of salarymen alighting the train after work. Or maybe it was just the route I had chosen since the road I was currently travelling on was not really favoured by motorists due to the presence of one narrow roundabout.

 

And everyone _detested_ roundabouts. Accidents were most rampant here, overarching the commonly hated intersections. However, fortune was smiling at me, as there were no cars engaged in the roundabout right now. Whistling, I checked my side mirror before sliding into the curved inner lane, a huge grin plastered on my face. The traffic was terrific, free dinner was coming along and I was going to get fucked by a pierced di-

 

**_CRASH_ **

 

In a split second, I thought my insides would come out as a violent tremor ran through my body when the back of my car suddenly flung to the right in a nasty, jerky motion.

 

What the actual fu-

 

Anger would be an understatement. I furiously stormed out of my car when the shaking subsided as it came to a dead halt. Who the fuck had been stupid enough to speed in a fucking roundabout! I could have been almost _killed._

 

Soon enough, the hero of my woes appeared in front of me, as he angrily got out of his car as well.

 

“Oi midget, are you fucking blind?”

 

The owner of the black Audi A4 was a young guy of – what I thought – my age. It was slightly dark to discern his every single feature right now, but he was tall, blond and definitely well built. Even his face seemed to be attractive enough from afar, but pity he had fucking cancer for personality _and_ a misfortune of ramming into the ass of my car. Literally.

 

The left back wing of my precious baby was brutally smashed, parts of its taillight forlornly scattered on the ground. Luckily enough, I was driving at the maximum (allowed) speed here, any slower and both of us would have been _gone_. However, the prospects for tonight didn’t seem to be as exciting anymore since I got myself involved in an accident and was going to be late as well.

 

“I was going straight, you fucktard.”

 

“And you’re supposed to give way to the driver on your _left_ ,” he snapped back at me, closing the distance between us until he was towering over me, looking down. His height might have intimidated others, but not me. Think I’m scared of you, shitstain? Not even.

 

“You were not even in the motherfucking roundabout when I entered it.”

 

Oh wow, his reaction was akin to somebody having their anus pinched. You wouldn’t even be able to differentiate between him and an enraged tomato (did such thing even exist?): cheeks flushed deep red, eyes sparkling with anger. And nostrils… well, say ‘hello’ to hippos. Maybe that wasn’t the most graceful comparison, but did anyone have anything against hippos? Tomato-like as well, so bloody exotic. In addition to that, his eyes narrowed into threatening slits, brows creased together (no, not into a fucking monobrow) while his face dripped with sweat. Was he _that_ outraged?

 

Bitch, the way I could scratch your face would have made a velociraptor hide in shame, so don’t even try coming up with an insult. “We could have avoided this shitty accident if you weren’t going more than what, sixty in a forty zone?” I pressed my index finger accusingly at his chest.

It didn’t take long for his expression to change. From the way he instantly cowered, I knew I had hit the spot, sweeter than the prostate itself: he was in deep shit. The Audi was clearly speeding. The cameras would have probably caught that. Take that, Lord of the Rings. Yeah, yeah, take out your phone and call up your insurance.

 

Or even better, funeral home.

 

***

 

**Reita**

_Online_

You: change of plans, can’t meet you at 7.

 

 **Reita:** haha that means u r paying for the room later?

 

You: I have legit reasons, you nitwit.

 

 **Reita:** o rly

 **Reita:** _typing…_

You: …

 

 **Reita:** jk, same here actually, sister suddenly came over fml

 

You: let’s meet at 10 then?

 

 **Reita:** str8 to the point ay ;) sounds gud

 

You: same place?

 

 **Reita:** nah let’s meet at Skybar 360 later, i’ll book a table

 

You: cool cool

_Seen 18:06_

***

 

“I need money.” The last time I checked, this guy wasn’t a Neanderthal but a full-fledged homo sapiens. Suzuki Akira was his name, and he was twenty-five from what I’ve gathered while taking a peek at his license. A fucking _expired_ one. Bloody hell, 40% damage to the back of my car and it would take five days to fix it. I thought I was able to settle this matter quickly since his insurance would have to cover my expenses for the collision. However, this stupid cunt didn’t even have a private insurance to begin with while I was also stupid enough not to buy the uninsured motorist coverage, so now I had to fork out my own money. But like hell I would do that. “Cash, or I will inform the police that you are driving with an expired license.”

 

It wasn’t a hit-and-run situation, so I was able to retain him right there, just like a little bitch he was. Running away would have been useless anyway, since the cameras had probably recorded everything.

 

“Cheque?”

 

“Takes too long.”

 

“I can bank transfer you?”

 

“Still takes at least a day with this sum.” Extorting money was bad. Really, _really_ bad. There were no ATMs around as well. But I wasn’t going to pay first then wait for his compensation since I needed my car to be towed and fixed asap. “Cash only.” I sounded like those nail shop owners who evaded taxes.

 

“I don’t have seventy thousands yen _in cash_ on me right now.”

 

You don’t have money to buy a fucking insurance yet you have money to drive an Audi. What a stingy hypocrite. Owe up to your mistakes. Probably some rich guy’s son. However, at the same time, it sounded reasonable enough. Barely anyone would carry so much currency around. Fine. I was way too nice for my own good. “Then call up your Daddy or whatsoever and tell him to bring me the money later today because I need to fix my car.”

 

He gave me a curt nod. What a good boy.

 

However, I had to miss my free dinner due to this accident. Maybe instead of texting someone with a huge grin at the accident scene back then, he should have been smart enough to dial his Daddy’s number straightaway, so that I could get outta here quicker.

 

“Well, thanks to you now, I’m late for my hook-, I mean, have my dinner plans cancelled.” My saltiness level rivalled the Dead Sea.

 

 _Oh God what now_ – I could hear him sigh in frustration.

 

“How can I make it up for you then?” He asked me, when the frowning expression on his face suddenly morphed into a smug one. “I can take you out to dinner instead in the meantime until my chauffer comes with the money. And also-”

 

Also _what_?

 

“I’ve seen the way you look at me.”

 

You mean, trying hard to contain myself from hitting you in your fucking face? Because a stupid cunt like you crashed into my car and now I had to wait to get a compensation for it? You must be out of your mind to think that I would, would-

 

Fuck.

 

Now standing up closer, Suzuki Akira was indeed attractive like hell, almost like Apollo himself with his smooth blond hair, strong jawline and sturdy form. Even the leather jacket looked suspiciously good on him. Oi, what kind of thoughts were _you_ having, Matsumoto?! He was the guy who had damaged your precious baby and made you late for your dick appointment. But then he also offered a free dinner? Takanori, you need to find positives in everything. Even if he was currently groping your thigh. WAIT, WHAT? I’ll rip his goddamned tentacles off, fucking bastard! _Great_ , now he wasn’t just an illegal driver, but also a sexual offender. Yet his shit-eating grin and come-hither look weren’t telling me that he was pissing his pants from fear – instead, the corners of his mouth were twitching so bad as if having a seizure that would have put an epileptic to shame.

 

Being poor _and_ horny was a doomed combo after all.

 

***

 

I never knew that dick piercings were _this_ common since the last thing I had expected to see was a shiny barbell peeking out innocently of Suzuki’s urethra like a daisy. That feeling of a metal hitting my nub was more than amazing, causing vibrations that could rival an 8.5 earthquake on the Richter scale. His strong, veiny arms kept me in place, as he rolled his hips and shoved his pierced dick up my ass. If it were possible, my ass would have been leaking as if I was a bitch in heat. In and out, in and out in a perfect tempo, which slowly intensified with each thrust.

 

“Does it pull on your foreskin?”

 

“Nah,” he replied with a breathy moan.

 

The slapping sound of bare skin against skin was so lewd that it had almost made a whore like me flush in embarrassment yet I was so occupied with this incredible sensation of being spread apart by a huge dick with a little ring massaging my insides. He seemed to have the stamina of a horse since it felt like forever in this on all-fours position that my knees started to rub painfully into the bedsheet. A bit more and agh-

 

That was it.

 

As if zapped by a sudden surge of current, my knees gave away as a loud scream escaped my lips. A violent tremor overtook my spent body, causing me to abandon all my self-control and finally release that tension in my stomach. A few more thrusts, I could feel how Suzuki’s dick twitched in me as he grunted and probably came inside his condom.

 

And to tell you all the horrid truth, I’d run over a bunch of adorable puppies with my car to experience this again. Sorry not sorry, Koron-chan. To say that I was unsatisfied would be a blatant lie but I’d rather down a gallon of cyanide than admit it to this sneaky bastard.

 

A gentleman he was (what an oxymoron), he had actually taken me out for dinner before fucking the shit out of me. To an extravagant place for sure, so it had rubbed me the wrong way that he lacked funds despite being able to afford a nine thousand yen meal (per person) and a five-star hotel room. Fortunately to him, his driver/servant/whatever brought the money later at eight thirty and I finally had my baby properly towed to the mechanic of my choice. Maybe the turn of events wasn’t that bad since I still got my free dinner _and_ experienced a pierced dick (which was on my agenda in the first place). However, I had to survive without my car for another five days, which wasn’t that disastrous being a Tokyoite but it’s been six years since I had used public transport.

 

That aside, I sent another message to confirm that I was indeed meeting up for the dick appointment number two. In my peripheral vision, I also noticed how Suzuki was cheerily punching words in his phone, humming something off tune under his breath.

 

“Thanks.” I wasn’t an asshole enough not to be grateful for the money.

 

“No, thank _you_ for not filing a report against me.” He detached his gaze from the screen and looked up, grinning. Idiot.

 

“The police will check the cameras for sure. Questions might arise.”

 

“But if you just report that the matter has been settled privately, it should be okay.”

 

“True.”

 

“It was a good night.” Could his grin get any wider?

 

“Yeah, right. See you lat- actually, see you never.” I hastily waved at him then started walking towards the metro station. I still needed to put away the money then change into something that didn’t have suspicious stains on it. Not the best way to impress your date/hook up later. Meanwhile, Akira seemed like he wanted to offer me a lift but stopped halfway before turning around to get into the passenger seat.

 

As good as this night had turned out, I’d rather not see him again.

 

Even if that Prince Albert might have been worth all this.

 

***

 

“Booking for Reita? Table ten, this way please.”

 

I followed the trajectory of the promoter’s finger, worming my way through the drunken crowd. This jam-packed bar was a complete opposite of the refined establishment that Suzuki had taken me to earlier. I wondered if this Reita guy was somewhat similar to Suzuki since they both had their dick pierced. So what if it’s a stereotype? It didn’t surface from nothing. However, something was telling me that this guy must have been wilder - as if Suzuki hadn’t been rough enough - since this place stank of debauchery and drugs. Oh well, at least he didn’t ram into my car unlike a certain ‘gentleman’ (not).

 

When I reached the designated table, there was no one here. I couldn’t have mistaken the tables, could’ve I? However, an empty glass did signify someone’s presence, so maybe Reita had just gone to the toilet or something. Anticipation was killing me. How did he actually look like? Would he wear that heavy visual kei make up to the meeting? More importantly, was he better looking than Akira and did he have a bigger dick?

 

My questions would be soon answered when I felt a tap on my shoulder; yet I almost regretted when I turned around.

 

Because there was no way in hell would I forget that blond hair, sharp jawline and leather jacket combination.

 

Reita, no, _Akira_ simply flashed that cocky smile at me.

 

“Round two, I suppose?”

 

_Is this even real life_

 


End file.
